Lost In The Dark

I just want to hold you close but so far
All I have is dreams of you
Selena - Dreaming of You Tonight

Senna looks in the mirror and finishes the final strokes on her silky raven hair, which trails softly down her back. Her face is delicate, with enormous blue eyes, contrasting her dark hair and fair skin. Her lips are full and naturally red, framing perfect white teeth. Looking in the mirror she sees only empty eyes staring back at her. She never considered herself to be an exceptionally attractive girl, but in the darkness, under the deceiving blackness, she becomes beautiful. It’s funny how a mirror can be your worst enemy during the day, exposing every blemish and every imperfection. But when the light is faint, the deceiving darkness is a comfort and the mirror is a friend.

During the day, if you look into her eyes, all you will see is sadness. At night under a veil of darkness, they come alive as if reborn, and shine ever so brightly. The darkness gives her strength and confidence. It awakens her soul. Senna considers the sun to be an intruding spotlight. Most people didn’t see it that way. To them the sun warms the soul. Senna would rather stay wrapped tightly inside the arms of darkness. It’s safer there.

Overwhelming grief consumes her. Her dispirited soul is devoid of light. Insanity feeds off the undying need to find someone to love. Who could fill this cavity of necessity in Senna’s life? Her stone-cold heart is incapable of fathoming the void. Life falls apart every time she feels the sun on her face. Any traces of hope are fading fast. She constantly searches for a sliver of something to hold on to.

Senna has always been an open person, her curse perhaps. She lays her heart out for the world to see only to have it stepped on and abandoned. Still, she searches for a soul mate. Someone with whom she can be her true self. Her dark and sexy self. Her caring and loving self. She wants the interest to go beyond physical. She wants to be loved from the inside out.

Tonight she can think of nothing else except the man haunting her dreams. He has become her latest obsession, a welcoming distraction from a bleak and lonely life. He has given Senna something to look forward to. Sometimes she wakes in the middle of night drenched in sweat, her body aching for his touch, a touch she’s only felt in her dreams. A touch like that of an addiction, the need for it gets stronger until it consumes her. Senna is left feeling both frightened and incredibly aroused. What a wicked combination.

Although only a dream, it feels real to Senna. He feels real. She wonders how this could be possible but quickly dismisses any doubt. Last night the warmth of his touch still lingered when she awoke. She closes her eyes and gets caught up in the memory. His eyes are the epitome of beauty. The violet blue shade is quite unique. The color reminds her of the setting sun just before it turns blue black. Senna has never seen eyes that color before. The way he looks at her is intimidating, it’s almost as if he can see straight through to her soul. She weakens with just one glance as he easily rips through the layers upon layers of fear and desire until all he sees is her heart. She remembers how he took her in his arms and told her not to be afraid. He stroked her hair and kissed her lips so tenderly. Her body reacted to his touch with a desire she’s never known and at that moment she existed only for him.

Senna shivers in delight, wishing these encounters could somehow continue after the dream ends. He has yet to show himself to her in the waking hours. She wonders if her comforting veil of darkness can protect her now as secrets of lust shine through the night.

Senna can tell by the silence and stillness all around that it’s way past midnight. Although exhausted she knows sleep will not be an option tonight. Too many thoughts clutter her mind, making it almost impossible for her to relax. She lights a few candles, like she always does, and watches the flames flicker and dance around the room. The gentle shimmer and warmth of the fire comfort her. She needs something to help clear her mind. Soon the hypnotic sounds of Enigma spill through the speakers. The music and candles create a mystical and spiritual ambience, Senna feels completely at home.

Music has been her savior for as long as she can remember. The soothing melodies are able to calm her, even torture her like nothing else can. Music is powerful in the sense that any emotion she feels is magnified, whether the driving force is pain, pleasure, sensuality, or despair. Music tells the stories she can never find words for. Sometimes during a desperate moment a certain song can break her heart. She cries it out until the tears wash her soul clean. Music is perhaps one of the only things keeping her sane these days.

Writing became her lifeline. There is nothing she won’t reveal and nothing she holds back. Senna fills up those blank pages with her untouched dreams, secret passions, and precious pain. When the need to express her feelings are strong she starts to write, as if in a trance, and the thoughts flow out of her. Within minutes a poem is born. Her favorite song is about to begin. She closes her eyes and lets the music perform its magic.

The phone never rings. Even if it did she wouldn't answer it. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone because there is nothing left to say.

At some point she falls into a dreamless and restless sleep. The sunlight seeping through the blinds brings her out of the darkness and into a new day. With her first waking breath she knows he didn’t come to her last night. She’s not alarmed because he doesn’t appear every night. It’s more sporadic and often takes her by surprise. She again wonders who he is, where he came from, and why he left her dreamless last night. She curses herself for allowing this apparition to come alive in her heart. If she tells anyone about this they will probably say it’s her overactive imagination playing tricks on her or that she is crazy to even consider him being real. In her heart of hearts Senna knows this is real. She can’t explain how, it’s just a feeling.

Without a purpose she feels stranded and abandoned. She half expects the tears to burst from her eyes but they don’t. Instead she retreats and becomes unusually calm and emotionless. When life becomes too painful Senna can shut out the world and turn it off. Comfortably numb is the feeling of choice.

Other times, very different times, she needs to hurt. There’s only so much she can take, so many nights she’s willing to spend alone before the need to feel anything overwhelms her. Pain is the remedy but never the cure. Pain reminds her she is alive. Pain made a home within her soul a long time ago. Sometimes it sleeps and sometimes it needs to show its ugly face. Making herself happy is a foreign concept to Senna. Happiness never stays for very long.

Now it’s time to shut down. Senna will not let these dark and scary thoughts consume her again. No. She has to snap out of the misery that holds her tight. For a brief moment she lets herself go and cries. Cries for all that is lost and all that is forgotten. She holds broken dreams close to her heart, trying to believe in them again.

As the hours pass she slowly comes back to life. The hope of seeing him again is strong enough to break the spell.

Looking outside, the shadows of dusk tell her darkness is near. The wind is howling a wicked song tonight. Senna opens the window and looks out into the beauty of the night sky. An idea comes to mind and she starts setting it in motion. This time when she dreams, this time it will be different. This time she will be waiting for him.

* * * * * * * *

Senna puts on a long black nightgown that generously displays her curvaceous body. The sheer material reveals the dark areolas of her full breasts and further downward she wears a lacey black thong. Her dark hair falls in soft curls to her waistline. Her long red nails and black crystal necklace complete the image. She feels like a dark princess awaiting her prince. She wonders what he will think of her tonight.

It’s late and Senna senses he is near. Although she is still awake his presence is in the air. She closes her eyes, trembling inside, and falls asleep. Within moments he appears, standing before her. He is in awe of her beauty. She looks glorious. He sits down on the bed and lovingly strokes her cheek. Senna dreamily opens her eyes and smiles. She takes his finger and brushes it gently across her lips. He moves in to kiss her but she pushes him away. She takes both of his hands and brings them to her breasts. He willingly caresses them and again moves closer for a kiss. She pulls away.

A look of uncertainty falls across his eyes but she ignores it. Senna needs to stay in control. She needs to bring him out of this dream and into her reality. The thought of being alone is not an option. Instead of giving in to his seduction she wants to keep him guessing. It is time for him to surrender. She slowly lifts her gown revealing her legs, then up a little further. She wants to tempt him and weaken his will. She stares into his eyes and almost loses the nerve to continue. She has to use all of her strength to not run into his arms. He watches and waits for an opening. Senna remains guarded. Finally he takes both her hands and raises them above her head.

“Please, I want to kiss you but I don’t want it to be forced.”

She smiles. Even now with the option to take her and do whatever he wishes, he refrains.

“I want to kiss you too, but more than that I want this to be real.” She tries to break free from his grasp but cannot.

“What do you mean?” He lets go of her hands.

Senna moves closer to him and can almost taste his lips. “No.” She gets off the bed and walks over to the window. She must keep her distance. If she gives in then it will be like every other time.

With desperation in her voice she says, “I don’t want dreams anymore, I don’t want to wake up alone with only a memory of you.”

She stops speaking, terrified of what he might say next.

He’s desperate himself now. The thought of her rejecting him is weighing heavy on his heart. “My love, I can’t explain how we are together, I…” He hesitates, searching for an answer that will satisfy her. Unable to find one he merely whispers, “I too wake up alone, reaching out for you.”

Her eyes light up with newfound hope. She reaches out for him and says, “Oh then we must find a way. We must!”

He walks toward her and takes hold of her hands. Looking deep into her soul he knows where he belongs but doesn’t know how to make it happen.

“My sweet love, I wish I knew of some secret way to make this more than a dream. But I don’t. And if this is the only way I can see you then I’ll take it. I’d rather have this than nothing at all.”

He kisses her and this time she doesn’t hold back. She doesn’t play any more games. She wants him too badly. With all her heart she tries to bring this moment into reality.

He picks her up and carries her to the bed. She doesn’t want to lose this feeling. He gently puts her and stops for a moment to look at her.

“You are so beautiful. For reasons I cannot explain I am drawn to you and I can’t get you out of my mind, or my heart.”

He sits on the bed and starts kissing her eyes, her cheeks, her lips, her neck, making his way down to her breasts, then her belly. Senna writhes in pleasure as his tongue finds all her secret places. When he reaches her sex he pulls her gown up and over her head. He removes her wet panties and begins to explore her, smell her, and taste her. Senna feels the pressure building up and then a rush pleasure spreads inside her. He continues to probe with his tongue until another orgasm carries her into the colorful sea of his love.

Senna lays there naked, her face flushed, her breasts swelling, and her sex aching. She looks beautiful. He takes off his trousers and she starts touching him. Her hands explore his hardness. She gets on top of him and in one gentle motion they start making love. She lets out a small cry as he pushes deep inside her. He raises himself into a sitting position and they stay like that for a long time, moving ever so slowly. Both savoring every moment. Together they are lost in this dream of love. Senna has never felt so complete, so alive, and so loved. She prays with all her might that when she awakens he is there by her side.

He lowers her back down and their passion ignites into an uncontrollable fire. His thrusts are hard and strong and she welcomes it, even begs for it. Faster and faster they move until they come together, sealing it with a final kiss. Afterwards they lay in each other’s arms, breathless and blissfully happy. He turns to face her and says, “I don’t want to lose you.”

She tries not to cry. “I can’t lose you.”

He traces the outline of her lips when a thought occurs to him. “Hey, I just realized, I don’t even know your name.”

They both laugh.

“I’m Senna.”

He kisses her hand the way a prince would his princess. “And I am Jove.”

They snuggle a little closer and hold each other tight. They try to fight sleep but eventually fall asleep.

* * * * * * * *

Senna wakes the next morning to the sound of thunder. She’s naked and the bedclothes are ruffled. Instinctively she turns to Jove but he’s gone. She starts to cry and curse the gods for not answering her prayers.

“Why? Why couldn’t he be here with me now? I’m lost without him can’t you see?” She closes her eyes and all she can see is the two of them together and how wonderful it felt. She cries harder now, her body convulsing as the pain spreads like cancer.

Some time passes but she is unaware of how much. The rain is coming down hard and it manages to comfort her just a little but not enough. Needing to feel the rain on her face Senna quickly gets dressed and walks out the door. Once outside the rain greets her like an old friend and she offers her face to the clouds. The air is warm but the rain is cool and soothing. Senna tries not to think about Jove but it’s hopeless. He’s in her heart.

She comes across a coffee shop and thinks it’s best to dry off a little, as she is soaking wet. She orders peppermint tea and heads to the back booth. It’s a little too bright so she digs into her coat pocket for a pair of sunglasses and puts them on. Thoughts of Jove replay in her mind. She tries to focus on something else, anything else, but all she sees is Jove.

A couple in front of her are carrying on and laughing. Senna thinks maybe it’s time to get back home, back to her little sanctuary of loneliness. She stirs her tea and stares into the hot liquid.

“Excuse me.”

Senna ignores the person standing over her. She’s not in the mood. It’s probably some freak trying to pick her up.

“I know this is going to sound like a pick up line, but, I think you are the woman of my dreams.”

The voice sounds oddly familiar. Senna looks up and those beautiful violet blue eyes are staring back at her. It’s Jove. She takes off her sunglasses to make sure. She stands up to get a closer look.

Shaking she asks, “Am I dreaming?”

He pulls her close and says, “I sure hope not. I can’t believe I found you.”

They hug for a long time.

Senna takes his hand. “Let’s go outside.”

“Outside? But it’s raining.”

Grabbing his hand she says, “I know, come on!”

The rain is falling soft and steady. Without wasting any time Senna kisses him and all the feelings of their last encounter come flooding back.

“It is you!”

He kisses her again. The rain falls harder. “I can’t explain it Senna. I don’t even want to try. All I am sure of right now is how much I love you.”

“I love you too Jove. Oh, I love you so.”

Suddenly the rain stops and the sun comes out. It shines down upon them ever so brightly. Senna welcomes the sun into her soul and for the first time basks in its warmth. For the first time she feels free. Jove puts his arm around her and together they start a new journey filled with brighter days and love in their hearts.